Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Bio Toilets

Mr.Veeresh Malik has blogged on Jairam Ramesh's  remark of our trains being a veritable toilets.


Given to me I would rather have called it 'resolving peristaltic motion of rural India'. From Billy Gates to Jairam Ramesh had been at it. Some how I am not an enthusiast of the bio dry method. I am a bit skeptic on that project and am for septic toilets. You have seen the dry bio and found it good though a bit complicated at first to operate. I have not seen it and know it only from net. In US on the highways in some of the rest areas they were there and the look of it made my urge calm down and I waited for the next one where regular ones I am accustomed were there. Probably they may be alright for use in ones own home where we can maintain it well. For public use I cannot think of the mess it will be. In India I cannot dream of going to a public toilet except the 'pay and use' ones. Not that they are much better. Compared to free for all they are better. In variably the previous user would have left some remains in the bowl water and left plenty of water everywhere else. In such places I prefer the Indian style as my bottom need not come in contact with the seat. Using a paper cut on the seat is never heard of. In the dry ones I am perplexed how the bowl can be kept clean. In them I read that once you sit on the seat automatically the bottom, not yours but that of the toilet, opens and the feces directly falls on to the chamber where its digestion process starts and automatically an exhaust fan works sucking the air through the seat to upper regions through an exhaust pipe. So no foul smell comes up to the room as in the case of pit latrines. It is all good on paper while in practice some feces will be sticking on the side walls which cannot be removed and in time it will be dirty like anything. We Indians are accustomed to wash our bottoms rather than wipe it. So much water will go into the chamber and it will get filled before the excreta is digested and become manure. If such a public toilet is established in every village no one will need to ask where it is. His or her nose will take you there.
We are basically dirty. It is no use blaming China if it said something true. Even when we can keep some public place neat we do not bother. We do not have any compunction to litter. Any one munching 'mungphally' got in a paper cone from the 'bhayya' in Chowpathy will throw away the paper just like that. So public toilets cannot be expected to be clean. And it is dry it will be worse. It is better to have septic toilets. Of course it will require water. Any way for living we need water. For cooking or drinking or bath we need it. We cannot avoid it. So let a little more for our toilet also. Then the commode will be a little neater if everyone take care to keep it so. Further the methane from the septic can be used as fuel. The methane from common toilets can be used to light the village streets and reduce the consumption of electricity. And the effluent can be used for fields. In the trains I would say it is not much the problem of rail getting corroded due to the feces falling on them. first of all the wheels when it passes over them it is dispersed. But it is the people who are responsible. On the doors it is written that try to avoid using toilets at stations. I do not know how many have read it or of those read how many follow it. So every rails by the platforms are real shit holes. That should be stopped. It will be good that toilet doors can be made that it will not open at stations. Make it that it will open only when the train is running. Of course there should be an emergency key to open with railway staff.


vkguptan@gmail.com

Madhura the irrepressible girl

Madhura, the perfect embodiment of our chalta hai attitude-- Blog by Asha Rai in Times of India

 "Indian contingent’s ten second blink & miss cameo at the Olympic opening ceremony, "- That is it. Normally it would have been exactly that. But thanks to Madhura it has attracted many. Why blame her. Her entry into the scene was least expected but it gave a pep to the show. An apart from the fact that the act against the prescribed norms it affected the ceremonial march in no way. She mingled with the scenery very much. It was not a drunk making a scene or a sem-clad cheer leader making convulsions. It was a perfectly dressed young exuberant girl making the drab things lively. As regards her parents sending her to London for studies, so many students go there. Also so many people go to London and elsewhere on tour now a days.

vkguptan@gmail.com

Monday, July 30, 2012

Cop and Me

It is curious that I had a dream that I was caught by police for rash and negligent driving. I cannot even ride a bicycle leave alone a two wheeler or afford a four wheeler or even if I bought a four wheeler afford the petrol.In dream I was riding the moped of my brother. It was registered in Gujarat and even though some years had gone by he did not transfer it to his new place of residence. It was not worth it and he rode it just in and around the village when he went to get a pack of cigarette or like. Needless to say that I have no license  to drive  any of those mechanical contraptions. But in my dream it did not bother me when I started riding my brother's moped. I was going very fast that at a signal I could not manage to brake and stop it and it shot forward and crashed into the traffic before it stopped. There was not much damage for either to my moped, I mean my brothers moped, nor to the two vehicles I crashed into. One of them was an auto rikshaw. I was sort of half way middle of the road and stopped there. The auto rikshaw and other vehicle went away without bothering me. I was sort of relieved that there was no trouble due to my negligence. Then I looked back and saw that a cop was standing at the corner and was busy writing on his note book. I got panicked. My fear was two fold. One thing that I did not have a licence and the vehicle was registered in Guarat. How to solve this problem? I racked my brain to no avail. Meanwhile I pushed the moped towards the cop. He just gave me a casual look and started filling up the note book. After a gap of some ten seconds I made a perfunctory cough to attract his attention. He obliged me. He looked at me with raised eyebrows. I came to the point directly and told  ' I made a small accident'. He told 'Yes I saw it'. But stopped at that and went busy with his book and pen.

To me he was one of the greatest writers. After waiting for another half minute I made my cough once again. Due to practice I had perfected the art of coughing. ' Sir, the accident, the case' I stopped at that. In such circumstances I thought telegraphic language is the best. He stopped his writing and gave me blank look for moment and then said ' You jumped the Red and made an accident and crashed to the vehicles'. I admitted that in fact I did and added ' Is it necessary to charge a case. Though I crashed the vehicles were not damaged and no injury to any one'. He countered ' That is not the point. You broke law and we will have to take up'. I scratched my head gave all indications of being one of the humblest of all human beings who jumped red signal. Even Uriah Heep had been present would have taken a lesson or  two in humility and obsequiousness. 'Is there no other way?' I asked looking into my pocket. 'Hmm' He gave a response. I immediately put my pocket and lifted some pieces of papers and hundred rupee note and a fifty rupee note which was the only money I had at that time. He gave me a look of disdain expressed his look in aural form with a grunt. As he knew that I could not have deciphered his look and grunt he translated those to verbal form 'What, it won't get me a breakfast even'!  I explained that that was all the wealth I possessed at that time. I will have to go home for more. Then our haggling started. Basically I have no experience in haggling. But after accompanying my wife when she went to purchase vegetables  I had some fundamentals. That is to begin with always halve the quoted price and then proceed slowly up while your opponent comes down slowly till you meet at a point and fix the price at that. I employed this tactic and finally we fixed it at 2000 rupees.
 It was decided we will go to my house in the police jeep for the cash. I told him that I don't have cash and asked whether he can take it by cheque which stoutly refused to. So far the whole conversation was going in Hindi. When everything was settled to the satisfaction of both parties I told him in English 
'Okay let us go'. Immediately the cop turned red and started to abuse me. In Hindi ofcourse. You are English and you want to do this. No no I will charge you. My entreaties did nothing to calm down his temper. And to add to discomfort confuse things further the auto rikshaw came to the spot and the driver jumped out and accosted me. He shouted 'You have to pay me. My auto is damaged'. I meekly said, that it looked perfectly okay. He immediately pointed his hand at the auto and 'Look'. I looked but could not see anything in particular and told him so. He dragged me nearer to the auto and pushed my head down and asked to look. I saw a hairline scratch. 'Yes there is a very thin scratch' I told him. He forcefully turned my head to another place and there also saw a small scratch. I told him that okay I will give 200 rupees for painting. He gave me a look as if I am some creature from Mars and told '200 rupees'? I asked him how much he wanted. Instead of giving me a quote for the damages he fished out a pocket book from his pocket and opened a page and put a finger somewhere and asked me to look. I saw it was a page of a calendar and he had put his finger at the date 10 on it. I could not believe. 'WHAT' I asked. He told plainly that he wanted 10 thousand as damages. I could not believe him. But my worry was will not the cop also raise his demand to match with that of the auto man.
 I looked up at the cop and found that he too was dumb-struck probably this atrocious demand. Things had come to this stage and I did not have any ready solution to this predicament I had got in. I thought it better go home and try to sort it out. I told the cop so. He called the jeep which was standing a bit away. It came near us. When I looked I found that the driver was just like the driver we had in our office. In fact I thought it was none other than our office driver. We all got in including the auto driver. Inside the jeep I just touched on the back of the driver and called him by the name of our office driver. He turned and looked at me in surprise. In fact it was he only. ' Oh Sab how are you here'? I gave him a short history of my recent adventures. He stopped the jeep and started to plead my case to the cop. Finally it was agreed that we all we go to my house and will have a small party and finish the whole affair at that . So went onward to my house and I was busy talking with the driver or should I call him my saviour? Since we were too busy talking I missed to instruct the driver to take the proper turn. I shouted ' Oh you missed the lane go back and turn right'. 
This was too loud and my wife woke up and asked me what happened. I told her that it was alright. I saw one dream and that it was good that she woke me up. Otherwise I don't know what else was there in store. 
vkguptan@gmail.com

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Hot Dogs

Some fifty odd years back I was in Delhi and had to do shift duties. For the break I used to go with some of my friends to Connaught Place for some snacks and coffee. My favourite place was the Indian Coffee House there. At that time it was run from a small pucca building and customers sat under the shamiana. My favourite snack was 'hamburger'. It was two buns half fried on a oily tawa and with a piece of potato tikia and some onion rounds. What it did not have was the slice of 'ham'. Being a vegetarian of sorts I never missed that slice of ham. And then I never knew then that 'hamburger' should have 'ham' at all. I was under the impression that the thing was called so. Like Sundar who may not be so. Many many years later myself and my wife went to be with our son for few months in US. He showed us all the necessary tourist spots like Statue of Liberty, Niagara and all those places where Indian tourists flock and click. I think it was in Washington DC where we went to a McDonald for some snacks. My son asked us what we would like to have and told what are generally available there. So I told that I want hamburger. Then my son revealed the truth which has so far eluded me. That in US hamburger will have ham in it. He found out a solution. He went to the person on the counter and told to make four hamburgers but in two of them not to put put ham. The guy gave my son quizzical look but got busy with making a ham burger without ham.
 Like that I used to wonder what is this 'Hot Dog'. It was a name I have come across in English novels quite often. If it was a Chinese delicacy I would not have had any doubt at all. It should be the real 'bow bow'.
By the way I think you all would have read a news of a proposal. All the street dogs to be sent to North East so that there the people can enjoy Real Hot Dogs and even conduct eating competitions.

vkguptan@gmail.com

Thursday, July 26, 2012

TOEFL for bureaucrats

Eureka !, Gotcha !! or simply I got it. Mr.Mohapatra must have told that ' I won't allow you to go until you finish the work'. When he told 'allow'  it would have sounded like ' I love ', and when he added 'finish the work' she could have misunderstood again ( about the nature of the work). It will be better if all Government offices insist that unless one successfully completes TOEFL no one will be allowed to go to US or any country where the common language is English. As regards politicians one cannot expect them to pass, leave aside TOEFL, any examination unless copying is permitted. Since they are shameless it will not matter also.

Friday, July 20, 2012

Molestation and Dressing Provacatively

What NCW chairperson Ms.Mamata Sharma told is sane advice. It is no use castigating her for that. Provocatively dressing may not be the only criteria which encourage molesting. There will other factors. But is one of them. Our male are a sex-starved lot. Why so is not known but they are. The general public get attracted to sex and that is why most of the films from all the 'woods' are full of them. Years back one has to go and see English movies if one wants to see female skin and the attractive parts. Now our own fare is full of them. Even this news paper is full of such papers. Previously there used to be the photo of cleavages in the back page of Blitz which was the only source a youngster can look at it. Now a days it is difficult to avoid such pictures. So people are all primed to look at it live. So a small incident triggers it. Rape is actually different from these molestations. In molestation those doing it has no intention of a sexual intercourse. It is just to see the bare flesh, touch it and enjoy the discomfiture of the victim. In the case of rape it is raw sexual urge. That is why whether the victim is dressed covering her body or not does not matter. So also the age of victim. We hear occasionally some elderly ladies of 60 or so being raped. The culprit is a sex maniac who wants his carnal desire to be satisfied at any cost. Molestation is different. And the provocative dressing makes the victim more vulnerable to molestation. No use of blaming NCW chairperson for telling some home truth.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Immediate arrest of US Marines

VIndia should immediately send its full Navy force and bring the offender US Navy ship to Mumbai, dock it there and arrest all the Navy personnel for doing this atrocity on poor fishermen. It should not release the ship till it gets at least one billion dollars in gold. All the Navy personnel should be arrested and put in jail without bail and try as per Indian laws. The person died and those injured are Indian citizen and India has full right to try them. Further Arabian Sea is part of Indian Ocean and by name itself one can easily know that it belongs to India. So whatever happens in Indian Ocean is to be considered as having happened on Indian territory and dealt accordingly. Obama should be informed that India take these matters seriously and any happenings like this in future will make India to react much more strongly and attacking US is not to be ruled out. What these Yankees think. We the Indians with millions of years of glorious past and they with hardly half a millennium of history!!! Mera Bharat Mahan. Time to note. We are not under-achievers but super achievers.

Guwahti Affair

 I read about this in India Today where it was given that the TV reporter Neogi was also present inside the pub where the girls were there. It was also given that Neogi was taking their picture in his mobile phone camera. Also that he asked two employees of adjacent shop selling liquors to keep the girls when they came out. Now what my thinking is that: Neogi saw the girls sipping drinks in a pub in the night. If a news reporter comes across some girls aged 17 years or so sipping drinks in pubs in the night it is news worthy and started to take photo graphs or video. To this, that is taking photos, the girls objected and there was some altercation between the reporter and the girls party and the club management asked them to clear out. When they came out the reported did not want to have a half finished job and asked his acquaintances (probably) in the Wine Shop to hold the girls till he got the camera crew to shoot a news worthy episode. The girls tried to escape but the persons who were asked to keep must have been rough in dealing with them. Meanwhile all riff-raffs joined in this and matter went much beyond what the reporter had imagined. The camera team came and so the reported must have decided to go ahead with shooting. Instead of girls drinking it became girls being molested. The loose end is what is the RTI activist Akhil Gogoi doing there with a video camera shooting all this? Does he move everywhere with a video camera? Why he himself did not do anything to save the girl and went on shooting? Why he did not call the police immediately he sensed trouble? He should be questioned thoroughly.

Enrica Lexie - Replay

This a tragic affair and I sympathise with the victims. But this will be an interesting case.When the Italian Marines mistook and fired and killed two Indian fishermen off the coast of Kerala everyone in Kerala from Oommen Chandy downwards plus Krishna, Antony et al were insisting that India has jurisdiction to try the case. The ship Enrica Lexie and the Italian Marines were tricked to come to Kochi port and the Marines were arrested pronto and the ship detained for nearly three months. The Marines got bail after some 100 days or so with so much restrictions that they are virtually prisoners not allowed to move out of sight of the Ernakulam police commissioner. One of the judges even went to the extent of declaring that the act can be considered a terrorist act from the point of view of the victims families. The law frowned at the compensation given by the Italian Government go the victims families. The government was toying with the idea of using SUA Act to try the case. Though better sense prevailed later and the idea was dropped. The question is will the US ship asked to come to an Indian port and kept there? Will the soldiers who shot and killed one Indian citizen and injured three other Indian citizens arrested and kept in jail? Will the Indian Government argue that since it was Indian citizen who was killed it is India Government which should try this case? India could bulldoze Italy. Can it do the same with US. I have been waiting for the out come of Enrica Lexie and now this also will equally interesting. Hope US will match the magnanimity Italy has shown.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Enrica Lexie--Purvakayastha and Rishab Bailey

In this Enrica Lexie incident the issue is which country has jurisdiction to try the marines who have been allegedly shot and killed two Indian fishermen. The question is tricky since the marines were on board an Italian ship from which they fired the shots and the dead fishermen were on a fishing boat registered in India and the dead fishermen were Indian citizen. To make it a little more complicated the two marines were deputed by the Italian government to protect the Merchant Vessel Enrica Lexie from pirate attacks.
The crime has started in one country and ended in another country. Then which country has the right to try the case. Here the question of why armed guards are employed in merchant ships, why the piracy started in Somalian waters and such other issues do not arise. Previously there were pirates in Indonesian coasts and if that had continued then also armed guards could have been employed. This is not a single case of piracy due to failure of the state of Somalia. If genuine fishermen are not able to fish as it is their living they should be allowed and all protection given. But at the same time international marine traffic should not be put to difficulties also.
In the article the two authors have mentioned the armed guards as trigger happy. What have they to tell about the hundreds of tribal people being killed by our trigger happy forces alleging of being Maoists? Is that also not equally reprehensible?
In this case, there is no doubt that, IF (I repeat IF) it was the Italian  marines who shot the fishermen , they have done something terrible wrong and they have to explain their action. The question is only to whom they should explain--to the Indian authorities whose citizens have been killed or to the authorities who have send them to protect the ship?

Monday, July 2, 2012

Sex Service Cess

What the government has missed but will certainly tax is 'Sex tax'. Once it is introduced every time a couple enjoy the ultimate bliss the happiness and ecstasy will be only momentary and will be erased by the tax which will have to be paid. And since it is enjoyment for both parties both will be taxed independently. You will have to keep a tab on the number of times you do in an year as you have to submit a sex-tax return at the end of financial year just like Income Tax returns. Those who do not submit will be levied is liable to be taxed at punitive tax rates. It will be advisable for every couple to keep a diary of their nocturnal activities including matinee and morning shows in a register kept safe away from the prying eyes of children like medicines. This tax will be applicable to those who do it on the sly as well. The tax for those who do it on the sly will be at double the rate for the honest ones. Once caught these ones will be taxed as if they were doing it throughout their adult hood and charged at double the rate. Those who refuse will be 'de-nutted' to avoid the eventuality that they may de-fraud the governments due in future